As you might have spotted, the Owl has been terribly busy flitting back and forth to Olympic events over the past few days. Nevertheless, we've kept our swivelling eyes open and picked out a few highlights from London 2012 that you might have missed. If you're struggling to pay attention to the men's 50km mince this morning, these might just keep you going.
Men's high jump - Ivan Ukhov loses his lycra shirt, has to take his next jump in a loose-fitting training t-shirt to avoid being disqualified, still clears the bar and goes on to take gold by a huge margin. How on earth do you manage to lose your kit while wearing it? We can only conclude that this was a subliminal ad for his travelling magic show. Tip for next time, Ivan: set the bar alight and juggle rabbits around it.
Women's 800m - Merve Aydin pulls up injured in her heat but hobbles home to finish the race. She's the new Derek Redmond. And she didn't even need to get THE PATRIARCHY to help her...
Men's 400m hurdles - Felix Sanchez comfortably takes gold for the Dominican Republic despite poor recent form, feigns macho nonchalance at the finish line and completely loses it on the podium. If high-amplitude lip wobbling ever takes its rightful place at the Olympics, he's a shoo-in for gold. We're sorry that the BBC has chosen to upload a clip which (a) is completely ruined by John Inverdale spraying his industrial-grade bullshit all over it and (b) doesn't show the full range of aesthetic elements incorporated into Sanchez's lachrymose routine, but hey - that's intellectual property law!
Men's BMX - to be perfectly honest, we think BMX should stick to the X Games and You've Been Framed. As if to prove our point, here's a passably smirk-inducing clip where some people fall over. Jeremy Beadle must be excitedly writing a cheque for £250 in his grave.
Men's discus - Robert Harting decided to celebrate by putting in an early bid for decathlon gold in Rio. We'll forgive him for using women's hurdles because we're so impressed that he can even lift his colossal legs off the ground.
Finally, we couldn't resist including one highlight that no-one in the world was allowed to miss. Usain Bolt stole a camera from a Swedish journalist and started taking photos of his medal-winning teammates. And everything else. Proof positive that the best way to get the media's attention is to make them part of the story. With apologies to your pretentiously-filtered self-important boundlessly-irrelevant Instagram outpourings, you can find the world's most popular holiday snaps here.
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