A bird's-eye view of sport, translated by two humans. With added waffling.

Tuesday 28 August 2012

Paralympics sports for dummies, by dummies

We at Owl Towers are looking forward to the forthcoming Paralympics for a veritable plethora of reasons, but primarily because we'll get to feast our beady eyes on some sports we're less familiar with. For those as uneducated as we are, we thought we'd do the public service of providing you with a guide to Paralympics-only sports in ten words or fewer.

BOCCIA - like bowls, teams or individuals throw balls at a jack.

FOOTBALL (FIVE-A-SIDE) - visually-impaired teams in blindfolds try to score. Crowd silent.

FOOTBALL (SEVEN-A-SIDE) - players have cerebral palsy. Teams comprised of varying disability classifications.

GOALBALL - like handball, with visually-impaired teams in blindfolds. Crowd silent.

POWERLIFTING - competitors classified by weight, try to bench-press heaviest barbell.

SITTING VOLLEYBALL - body part between bum and shoulder touches court during shot.

WHEELCHAIR BASKETBALL - five-a-side, must throw/bounce ball after two pushes of wheelchair.

WHEELCHAIR FENCING - wheelchairs fastened to platform, competitors fence foil, sabre or epee.

WHEELCHAIR RUGBY - Murderball. Players must pass/score a try in ten seconds.

WHEELCHAIR TENNIS - Same as tennis, but ball can bounce twice, not once.

If you fancy a more in-depth guide detailing every sport in the Paralympics, check out the Guardian's very informative article here.  Once you've done that, you can make yourself sound like a true expert by boning up on the potential stars of the Games, making you an asset to any Opening Ceremony party.

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