To that end, we've rounded up the finest writers in the universe and gently cajoled them into reporting back on a range of Olympic sports. In the first of what we hope will be a regular series, here's Kenny the Nuthatch's exclusive and inimitable take on the archery at Lord's.
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So, buoyed by the support of Owl Towers, off I went at Ludicrous O’Clock last Friday morning to Lord’s for the first session of the last day of the men’s archery competition. No-one should arrive at Lord’s at 7:30 in the morning unless they’re playing, and even then that’s a bit debatable. No matter – one of St. John’s Wood’s finest almond croissants in my belly and a short queue to get into the venue. Much banter between Gamesmakers (hello you purple wonderhumans) and into the security queue. Suddenly perturbed by a soldier from western Scotland asking me in broad Glaswegian to put ‘watches and belts, pal’ into the scanner. Briefly concerned that I am so tired I’ve accidentally ended up in Finland. Thankfully not. Into Lord’s (I know what it looks like) but concerned that half the audience are doing their trousers up given that armed Scotsmen made us all hand over our waist support.
A cup of Olympic Fairtrade coffee (terrible, but better than the slop served at the ‘City of Coventry Stadium’) and then off to find my seat. A nice Gamesmaker points me towards the stand that has been erected on the infield at Lord’s, then I wander across the turf (holiest of all cricketing places, can’t normally get on the field for all the money on Earth, and I’m just titting around on it) and climb very high to my seat.
And then, after the stands fill and a large Korean and Chinese contingent arrive, some archery occurs. It’s pretty rapid, with a match scoring system based on 2 points for having the higher score after 3 arrows each, or 1 point each if scores are tied after 3 arrows. If, after 5 sets, the scores are equal, it comes down to a shoot-off: each archer fires 1 arrow, the one with the highest score wins. Suddenest of sudden death. Though not as sudden as death could have been for the Gamesmakers whose job it is to meander back to the archers with arrows that have been pulled from the targets. Dimly wander in the wrong direction and it’s William Tell O’Clock. Bummer.
Great Britain’s Larry Godfrey (the Kevin Pietersen of archery) shot first, went to a shoot-off and was sadly beaten by an earnest, pleasant man from somewhere east of the Olympic Park (I forget where). Then lots of matches happened very, very fast. Great Australian lad lost gallantly on the last arrow of normal time, then came back after and met all the fans. He was awesome and deserves our support. The 15-year old Moldovan chap who is the future of archery, apparently, was sadly beaten by a slightly overweight Korean gentleman who looked rather embarrassed to have won. Essentially I came away thinking that archery was peculiarly marvellous, but thinking that IOC kimchi rolls would have sold in substantial quantities in the Lord’s catering stands.
To come, a very short introduction to basketball and my gibbering wonder-drool at the utter WONDER of the Olympic Park in Stratford, together with my active concern for a Dizzee Rascal lookalike who continually exhorted me to MAKE SOME NOOIIIIISSSSSSEEEEE. But that’s for another day...
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